My Story

So, as many of you know I haven't had the best of luck with finding a guy that doesn't end up having feelings for my best friend. For some reason I let people use me, and because I don't like conflict...I let it happen and don't say whenever something bothers me.
Well, I have recently gotten to know two friends that moved here with a good friend from college. I was asked by my best friend/roommate not to tell the story of what happened between her, myself and her now boyfriend, over a year ago. Out of respect for her, I didn't but now that they have had an opportunity to get to know my roommate and her boyfriend, and form they're own opinions...I told my story.

What I've realized from this is how much I really was hurt, and still am a little. As I told the story (from my side), the expressions on my new friends faces became very sad and confused, because I am actually going to be in the wedding of my roommate and her fiancée. I finished telling my story and I felt sorry for me (which hasn't happened before). I think that I've healed from what happened, but I don't know if there really is a way to heal from that kind of betrayal. I don't like to burden other people with my feelings and I don't need pity from anyone, but sometimes it just helps to rant a little.

I don't like talking bad about people because 1. It's not what God wants from his children and 2. I feel bad whenever I do it, but again it helps to rant. My current struggles are deciding if I need to make a biggish deal if something that happens between me and her, or just let it go. Example...Whenever we moved into our apt. we set up "boy" rules. One of these rules is that boys are not allowed to spend the night (they really aren't allowed to be in bed rooms either, but this rule got broken. Seeing as this really isn't something to lose a friend over I haven't said anything about it.) This past week we were given a very big ice storm, and the couple was separated for a few days (which I see as kind of a good thing, because they're barely apart). Whenever the roads were clear enough to venture out, my roommate was once again united with her fiancée. (I realize that I'm taking a long time to get to the point of this story, but I feel that it's important to have details! lol) Blah, Blah, Blah...night comes and I'm back from hanging out with friends(because I was able to get out of my apt) and the boy is still there. This is normal from them, because he's typically in the apt till 12 or 1, but that night was different because of storm. I come to find out that he is staying the night, on the couch of course, but in the apt!

I understand that there was just a major snow/ice storm, and he lives 30 mins away, and he shouldn't be driving at night...but I was not told anything about him staying the night. My roommate didn't even mention it to me, and whenever I asked her if he was staying, she said yes. I then asked her if she thought that was something that I would have like to know, and then she asks if he can stay (a little too late to say no). It's my apt too! We pay half the rent and bills, and she didn't ask me if her fiancée could stay the night! Sufficed to say, I was pissed! She has apologized for not mentioning it, but I still feel hurt from what happened. So, I'm finding it hard to find the place where being a good friend isn't worth it if I keep on getting hurt. My roommate isn't really the kind of person that you can tell her how you feel and except her to realize what she's doing wrong...once her mind is set, it's next to impossible to convince her of anything else.

So I guess with all of this I'm saying that I really need to start telling people how I feel whenever they do something that hurts me. Thanks for reading!

~Dana

New Year...New Changes!

It’s nice to go back and read all the blog posts and journal entries from the last year. I feel as if I’ve failed myself yet again! Every year I say that I’m gonna get back into a healthy habit of reading my Bible and spending time with God, but a year has passed and I don’t feel any closer than I did last year! Why do I find it so hard to do that?
This past year was good! I enjoyed it a lot more than 2009, but it wasn’t want I thought it was going to be. I had made choices that I didn’t check with God on, and whenever that happens…things don’t go the way that you had planned. I’m thankful for the place that I’m at right now, because I feel like there is nothing holding me back. Things have been feeling very…bleh lately. Like I’m just going about everything because I have to and I’m choosing to not have the best attitude I can when going about my normal routine. I’m tired of it! Things seriously need to change!
I need to just start surrounding myself with God! Anything and everything I can get my hands on! I need to be soo lost in God that I don’t even know who I am anymore because it doesn’t matter! I want to be that person that you see and know that they’re on fire for God! Everything in their life says that it’s about Him, not them. And not that people can tell that there’s something different because you don’t curse or party all the time or have an ok outlook on life and how it should be lived. I want to be the person that, you know what they’re about! …Yeah!
~Dana