Ink!

Tattoo are now becoming something of a norm in our culture nowadays. You're starting to see ink on people in movies and tv shows that aren't the bad guys. Also on normal people that work an 8-5 job like the rest of the work force. Unfortunately it's still frowned upon by most parent's and work places. It's becoming a generational thing where people that have tattoos see it as more of a statement and want to show the artwork that either they've created or something that they feel strongly about. Yeah you could design something and put it on a canvas to be displayed in your home or some gallery, but that doesn't really have the same effect of taking your artwork or your cause and beliefs with you where ever you go! I've gotten to talk to more people because of my tattoos then if I had bare arms. My mother, who I love very much and am on very good terms with, hates tattoos. She thinks that I'm beautiful and that me putting all of this permanent ink on my body is just making my skin look ugly. I do have to agree that there are tattoos that I just do not get why someone would put that on their body, but I've always told myself that I wasn't going to put something on my body that didn't have meaning! Several other of my parent's friends don't agree with tattoos either, and that makes sense. Until recently tattoos where seen as something that you had if you where doing things that you shouldn't or bound to go to jail or just didn't care anymore. Now, for the most part, tattoos are just another way of expressing your self. Things that are on your arm for people to read can almost speak more loudly than you can! I'd hope that if you are going to go through the pain of getting a tattoo, that you have thought about more than a few hours! A good friend told me that if you're thinking about getting a tattoo then think about it for a year and if you still want to get that tattoo after a year then do it. If it's something that you just think is cool but doesn't have any real meaning for you then don't waste your money by getting it! I think that the symbol for the game Skyrim is pretty cool! It's a dragon, but the way that it's designed would make an awesome tattoo! Now am I going to go out and get that symbol tattooed on my body? Not at all! Because it doesn't have any real meaning for me. I have several ideas for future tattoos, that I'm not quite sure on. I know that I will be getting a sleeve done on my left arm that already have two tattoos on it. One of those I have to wait till I have kids. God willing that won't be for a good few years! My next tattoo I want to get a phoenix that I've designed myself with the quote, To Live Would Be An Awfully Big Adventure, on it. A quote that has meant something from my childhood.
For those of you that are considering on getting a tattoo for the first time, please think about it first. It's good to not get tattoos until your at least partially through college, or at least have a good idea of who you are! If you where to get a tattoo based on what's going on in your life then you may end up getting a tattoo of some Justin Bieber lyrics that will mean nothing to you in a few years. Think about where you work, and if you'll have to cover it up or not. I have to wear long sleeves at work now because my tattoos are visible with my work clothes, even though what I have isn't weird or disrespectful in any way. Even though tattoos are becoming more of a norm in our culture, that doesn't mean that they are accepted everywhere. I will still continue to get tattoos throughout my life, because it's who I am.
-Dana

My Story

So, as many of you know I haven't had the best of luck with finding a guy that doesn't end up having feelings for my best friend. For some reason I let people use me, and because I don't like conflict...I let it happen and don't say whenever something bothers me.
Well, I have recently gotten to know two friends that moved here with a good friend from college. I was asked by my best friend/roommate not to tell the story of what happened between her, myself and her now boyfriend, over a year ago. Out of respect for her, I didn't but now that they have had an opportunity to get to know my roommate and her boyfriend, and form they're own opinions...I told my story.

What I've realized from this is how much I really was hurt, and still am a little. As I told the story (from my side), the expressions on my new friends faces became very sad and confused, because I am actually going to be in the wedding of my roommate and her fiancée. I finished telling my story and I felt sorry for me (which hasn't happened before). I think that I've healed from what happened, but I don't know if there really is a way to heal from that kind of betrayal. I don't like to burden other people with my feelings and I don't need pity from anyone, but sometimes it just helps to rant a little.

I don't like talking bad about people because 1. It's not what God wants from his children and 2. I feel bad whenever I do it, but again it helps to rant. My current struggles are deciding if I need to make a biggish deal if something that happens between me and her, or just let it go. Example...Whenever we moved into our apt. we set up "boy" rules. One of these rules is that boys are not allowed to spend the night (they really aren't allowed to be in bed rooms either, but this rule got broken. Seeing as this really isn't something to lose a friend over I haven't said anything about it.) This past week we were given a very big ice storm, and the couple was separated for a few days (which I see as kind of a good thing, because they're barely apart). Whenever the roads were clear enough to venture out, my roommate was once again united with her fiancée. (I realize that I'm taking a long time to get to the point of this story, but I feel that it's important to have details! lol) Blah, Blah, Blah...night comes and I'm back from hanging out with friends(because I was able to get out of my apt) and the boy is still there. This is normal from them, because he's typically in the apt till 12 or 1, but that night was different because of storm. I come to find out that he is staying the night, on the couch of course, but in the apt!

I understand that there was just a major snow/ice storm, and he lives 30 mins away, and he shouldn't be driving at night...but I was not told anything about him staying the night. My roommate didn't even mention it to me, and whenever I asked her if he was staying, she said yes. I then asked her if she thought that was something that I would have like to know, and then she asks if he can stay (a little too late to say no). It's my apt too! We pay half the rent and bills, and she didn't ask me if her fiancée could stay the night! Sufficed to say, I was pissed! She has apologized for not mentioning it, but I still feel hurt from what happened. So, I'm finding it hard to find the place where being a good friend isn't worth it if I keep on getting hurt. My roommate isn't really the kind of person that you can tell her how you feel and except her to realize what she's doing wrong...once her mind is set, it's next to impossible to convince her of anything else.

So I guess with all of this I'm saying that I really need to start telling people how I feel whenever they do something that hurts me. Thanks for reading!

~Dana

New Year...New Changes!

It’s nice to go back and read all the blog posts and journal entries from the last year. I feel as if I’ve failed myself yet again! Every year I say that I’m gonna get back into a healthy habit of reading my Bible and spending time with God, but a year has passed and I don’t feel any closer than I did last year! Why do I find it so hard to do that?
This past year was good! I enjoyed it a lot more than 2009, but it wasn’t want I thought it was going to be. I had made choices that I didn’t check with God on, and whenever that happens…things don’t go the way that you had planned. I’m thankful for the place that I’m at right now, because I feel like there is nothing holding me back. Things have been feeling very…bleh lately. Like I’m just going about everything because I have to and I’m choosing to not have the best attitude I can when going about my normal routine. I’m tired of it! Things seriously need to change!
I need to just start surrounding myself with God! Anything and everything I can get my hands on! I need to be soo lost in God that I don’t even know who I am anymore because it doesn’t matter! I want to be that person that you see and know that they’re on fire for God! Everything in their life says that it’s about Him, not them. And not that people can tell that there’s something different because you don’t curse or party all the time or have an ok outlook on life and how it should be lived. I want to be the person that, you know what they’re about! …Yeah!
~Dana

New Year

2010 is almost over, and I am ready for it to end! This year has been...good. Way better than last year! I want this new year to be different, but that means changing things up a bit. Stepping out of my comfort zone and going out on branches where I never thought I would go. Nothing bad mind you, but different. I need to stop letting people use me because I'm nice and don't want to lose a friend even one that has hurt me again and again.
I also know that 2011 is going to be filled with a lot of stress. What with a wedding, a move(maybe two), a two week trip overseas, possibly a few college classes, and who knows what else. I need to stay strong and focused on God which is something that I've sucked at this past year, I know that. Things need to change and that won't happen over night or by itself!

2011...Here I come!!!

~Dana

In the Light.

Those of you that know me, (I hope) know me as a happy person. Most of the time that you see me, I’m in a cheerful mood. The reason for this is because I’ve never been in darkness. I’ve never been at a point in my life where nothing has been going right, I didn’t have anyone around me to support and love me or I’ve felt like nothing left to live for. Whenever my friends have talked about being depressed, I can’t offer advice because I’ve never been there. I’ve always enjoyed life, and couldn’t even begin to imagine wanting to end it. I know that I haven’t had the many major horrible things happen in my life, at least not as much as some people, but even if all of my family deserted me, I would still have God.

Lately I’ve been in a very dry spot spiritually, and it’s been a good few years. And because of that I can feel myself retreating into in myself, especially on Sunday’s and Wednesday nights. I can easily say that I could remain silent throughout the entire service and be ok with that. I feel like I’m getting to the place where I was a few years ago, an introvert, little homeschooler that didn’t want to do anything bold. I want to get into a good Bible reading habit, a healthy prayer life, and to be able to hear God’s voice in any situation. Once of my problems is that I don’t know how to get to that place. I need a spiritual leadership in my life. Of course from my husband whenever I get married, but right now I need a female that I can look to for guidance and direction for things in my life that I’m going through as a woman of God.

All that to say, even though I’m a joyful person that’s never experienced darkness, I’m starting to feel a shadow come over my life, and I don’t like it! So if you could be praying for me I’d really appreciated it!

~Dana

5/24/10 Move-In Day

So, this was a really long day!  Dad and I got everything, well pretty much everything moved!  The big stuff was my main concern, because my tiny car wouldn’t be able to fit my bookshelf, mattress, dresser or dining room table lol.

I am so glad to have my own place! But unfortunately this brings about a very big fear of mine, The Lack of Money. I know that this is something that most people struggle with but it seems like I can’t get around it. So this is going to be hard for me to get used to having a budget. I can’t just do and buy whatever I want because I have the money for.  Even though bills have always come first, this time it’s pretty much going the be everything that I have ever time.

To change this new problem of not having money, I have become the depressing cycle of trying to find a second job. I love working at Bed, Bath, & Beyond don’t get me wrong, but they won’t hire my full time even though I’ve been working there 2 years. This leaves me in a very hard place because I have chosen to give BB&B my weekends, leaving Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday open for another job. This is the problem, No one wants to hire someone that isn’t willing to work weekends! BLEH!!

I applied at Wal Mart in Betonville, and I thought that I was going to get the job, because I know people that are managers at that store. Unfortunately they didn’t like my schedule.  I guess it doesn’t matter if someone has worked retail for two years, all anyone cares about is weekends. So I have given up on WM and have applied at the Harps that’s right across that street from my new apartment.

I  do realize that I ended up talking about jobs then my new place, but I’ll have enough time to talk about the apartment lol. Hopefully soon we’ll be getting the internet here, because I will go crazy with out it. I can survive not having my computer for a month, but I can’t go a few days without internet!

This is just one thing(Well I guess two) that’s on my mind. More shall come soon, maybe sooner because I don’t have things like Facebook and YouTube to distract me :)

~Dana

Outbursts

I would just like to apologize for my last blog. Going back now with a completely cool head, makes me realize how incredible rude I was! I seem to not have mastered the art of ranting with out hurting people. Words have never been my strong point!

Once again, I'm Sorry!

One a lighter note...I will be blogging soon, but not too soon as moving will be taking up most of my time. Going from living on campus for the past 3 years of my life to an apartment is getting to be a bigger ordeal than I had originally thought lol

~Dana